Breakup Coaching

What if everything you learned about going "no contact" with your ex was wrong?

Researchers Helen Fisher and Lucy Brown published a study in the Journal of Neurophysiology where they performed brain imaging studies of college students who had recently gone through a breakup. When the study participants looked at a photo of their former partner, the same parts of the brain associated with craving and cocaine addiction were activated. 

The researchers hypothesized that the process of going through romantic rejection or a breakup was similar to going through addictive withdrawal. In the aftermath of a breakup, a powerful survival system gets activated--it's not something you can just ignore. 

Telling someone to go "no contact" with their ex is pretty much like telling someone in withdrawal to stop drinking, or using.

Given that breakup and romantic rejection are so similar to addictive withdrawal, why aren't we approaching our breakups like we approach addiction recovery?

A breakup can be one of the most painful things we go through in life, and yet we have so few tools to help us cope. We're told to go "no contact" and to distract ourselves by focusing on hobbies and friendships, but for so many of us, this just doesn't work.

If you've told yourself that you're going to go no contact, but then struggled to follow through, you're not alone--and my self-paced breakup coaching program is for you. In this self-paced breakup coaching program, you'll use strategies that help people in addiction recovery quit to help you cope with your breakup. Quitting any addiction is a process. And it can be very difficult to be successful without support. My self-paced breakup coaching program includes dozens of coaching lessons to help you navigate your breakup, so that you can get out, stay out, and move on. 

Use Research-Backed Addiction Recovery Tools to Recover From Your Breakup 

Stay no contact and break the cycle of toxic relationships.

Learn strategies to tackle catastrophic thinking and limiting beliefs that keep us caught in toxic and addictive cycles.

Gain strategies to calm your nervous system and increase your distress tolerance when you feel the urge to reach out or get back together with your ex.

Get in touch with your core self and tap into internal resources of self-compassion and peace.

Break the cycle of guilt and shame over why you stayed.

Tackle anxiety about the future and dating.

Get clear about what you want for future relationships and develop a dating plan to make it happen. 

How Breakup Coaching Can Help You Move On

The effects of a breakup aren't just psychological, they are physiological.

In the days and weeks after we go through a breakup, dopamine levels in the brain rise sharply and then drop. As dopamine in the brain rises, we might feel bursts of energy, might feel the urge to try to get back together with our ex, or beg for a second chance, or we might use this energy to move all our stuff to a new apartment, to redecorate, or to spend the whole weekend out partying.

Eventually, after a breakup, dopamine levels drop.

As dopamine levels drop, we might feel overwhelming feelings of sadness. Or we might go through a period of lethargy, and even depression. We might lose our appetite, feel sluggish and tired, struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and feel the urge to just stay home, watch Netflix, and not do much of anything. 

These experiences after a breakup are normal.

The rumination is normal. 

The feeling like crap--normal.

The wanting to get back together with your ex even when you know he isn't right for you--normal.

The thinking about the dreams you shared that you'll never get to live--normal.

Feeling anxiety about dating again or about your future--normal.

Researchers have found that a breakup can activate the same brain regions that get activated in addiction. Yet, given that this is true, why aren't we approaching our breakups like we approach addiction recovery? So many of us learn that we should go no contact with our ex, but if we don't have the tools to actually keep our no contact commitment--the advice to "go no contact" is going to be useless. If you've told yourself that you're going to go no contact, but then struggled to follow through, you're not alone--and my self-paced breakup coaching program is for you.

As a person in recovery, I've spent years gaining tools from programs like AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART recovery, and more.

When I recently went through a difficult breakup, I wondered what would happen if I applied the tools I learned in addiction recovery to help me heal from my toxic and abusive ex. It turns out--the tools worked. I've developed my self-paced breakup coaching program to help other people use these same research-backed tools I used to help them get over their breakup like they would over an addiction.

Breakup coaching is a self-paced program where you'll learn strategies to help you calm your nervous system, help you keep your no contact commitment (even when things get hard), heal from your breakup, change your limiting beliefs and catastrophic thinking, set new relationship goals, and connect with your authentic self. I also offer exercises to help you get clear about what you want in your next relationship--and provide a dating strategy to make it happen. My dating coaching program was developed after thousands of hours of independent research.

I'm a professional writer with an MFA in creative writing from Columbia University. I've spent over ten years writing for divorce lawyers about complex issues including domestic violence, child custody, property division, and divorce litigation and negotiation. I bring to bear my years of writing experience doing deep research for divorce lawyers to my self-paced breakup coaching program. 

No contact is great advice, but if you don't have the tools to stick to it, there's a chance you'll keep getting hoovered right back in if your ex texts or calls. My self-paced breakup coaching program offers real tools to help you stay no contact, even if you get triggered because you're lonely on a Saturday night, or just had a really bad date, or happened to see one of his posts on social media despite promising yourself you wouldn't look...

If you're struggling to heal after a breakup, you aren't alone. We've all been there. My self-paced breakup coaching program is designed to help you get through your breakup using research-backed tools used in addiction recovery. These powerful strategies can help you calm your nervous system, set meaningful goals, take healing actions, take stock of what happened, change your limiting thoughts and beliefs, get in touch with your core self, delve more deeply into discovering who you are and what you want, and help you break the pattern of toxic relationships in your life, by getting clear about what you want and developing a dating plan that works for you. If this sounds good, my self-paced breakup coaching program is for you.

If you've tried to go "no contact," but found yourself reaching out to your ex despite not wanting to do so, or if you find yourself compulsively answering his calls or texts even after you told yourself you wouldn't do it, my self-paced breakup coaching program might be able to help.

If you are anxious about dating, and want to break the pattern of dating unavailable people and toxic relationships, my self-paced breakup coaching program offers tools that may be able to help.

If you're feeling like crap after your breakup and want to start feeling better sooner--my self-paced breakup coaching program offers tools and strategies that can set you on the right path.

In this self-paced breakup coaching program, you'll apply research-backed strategies from addiction recovery to your breakup, to help you get over the withdrawal period following your breakup, and to help you get back on your feet. 

Meet Your Breakup Coach

Hi, I'm Janice Elizabeth

Just over three years ago, I was only a few days sober and locked in a bathroom, hiding from a man who had just chased me and my dog through the house with a knife. I knew that night that if I wanted to live, I'd have to change everything. I'd have to find a way to leave my abusive relationship.

This was no easy task. I'd told myself I was going to leave him so many times. And so many times, I lost my nerve.

Yet that day I knew that if I wanted to live a happy life, free of the torment of abuse and violence, I'd need to find the courage to get out, stay out, and move on.

Today, I live in Hawai'i, surf big waves, and make a living from my dream job as a freelance writer for divorce lawyers. I broke the cycle of toxic relationships, got married to my best friend, and just days short of my 40th birthday, gave birth to my son.

Getting to live this life didn't come easy for me. I grew up in a violent low-income neighborhood where my neighbor was shot to death outside my bedroom window. Growing up, I was surrounded by the violence and fallout of toxic relationships. My parents struggled with poverty and mental illness, and often fought. Sometimes things got violent. My mother had immigrated to the U.S. from Cuba when she was ten years old and worked the night shift as an operator to pay the rent and put food on our table. My father had suffered PTSD during his time serving in the Vietnam War. My parents struggled to survive, without the ability to access care or support to help them cope.

As soon as I turned 18, I left home, and worked to heal from my CPTSD. I found success as a writer, and graduated with an MFA from an Ivy League graduate writing program. Yet my personal life was a mess. I got divorced at 30 and ended up homeless. 

After my divorce, I worked to rebuild my life, building a successful freelance writing business writing for divorce lawyers. I took calls from new clients while sitting in truck stops, and finished writing projects in gas stations.

When I started dating again, I found myself attracted to unavailable people, and stuck in a cycle of emotionally, verbally, and even physically abusive relationships. 

To break the cycle, I had to change everything.

Through my self-paced breakup coaching program, I teach the skills I've learned after over a decade of writing for divorce lawyers and from the personal experience I've gained over the years. I offer you my survivor's perspective. If I can heal, so can you.

Today I have three years of continuous sobriety, live in a condo I bought in Hawai'i using money I made as a freelance writer, and have a beautiful marriage and family. I went from being homeless to a home owner.

None of this would have been possible without me using the skills I daily that I teach in my self-paced breakup coaching program.

Going through a breakup can be one of the most challenging experiences of your life, but you don't have to do it alone. My self-paced breakup coaching program can help you regulate your nervous system, reclaim your self worth, reconnect with your true self, and find the courage to get back out there and break the cycle of toxic relationships in your life--for good.

Does this sound like your breakup?

“I’ve tried to go “no contact,” but I can’t seem to stay away from my toxic ex.”

“I tell myself I’m not going to answer the phone, or respond to his texts, but every time he calls or texts, I can’t help but pick up the phone and get sucked right back in again.”

"I can't stop thinking about how things ended."

"I find myself spending time looking at photos on social media of him happy with his new partner and can't help but compare myself to her. Why wasn't I enough?"

“I’ve promised myself that I’m done with the “on again” “off again” cycle, but no matter how hard I seem to try, I find yourself back “on again” or then back “off again,” and I’m tired of it.

“Something doesn’t feel right to be about how my ex talks to me or treats me, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to leave, or whenever I leave, I somehow keep finding myself going back.”

“He’s cheated on me repeatedly, but I can’t bring myself to leave him, or I leave him only to get back together with him thinking ‘this time will be different” when I know deep down inside it won’t be.”

“I’m tired of giving him second, third, fourth… chances.”

“I’m in a situationship and I want a real relationship, but I just can’t seem to move on. Whenever he calls me, I always answer the phone.”

“I keep finding myself repeating the same cycle with emotionally unavailable people and I want it to end.”

“I’ve left a toxic relationship, but life feels dull and boring. Nothing can replace the happiness, love, joy, and thrill I felt when I was with my toxic ex.”

If this describes your situation, you are not alone. My self-paced breakup coaching program will give you the tools you need to get out, stay out, and move on.

Breakup Coaching: 

Over 40 Lessons and Practices to Help You Recover from Your Breakup

With Breakup Coaching You'll Learn...

• How heartbreak affects the mind and body

• How dopamine depletion after your breakup can leave you in a state of withdrawal.

• Why using research-backed addiction recovery strategies can help you get through the withdrawal period after a breakup to help you get out, stay out, and move on from a relationship that was toxic or not working.

• Gain strategies to help you regulate your nervous system and work through the pain and loneliness.

• Break limiting thought patterns keeping you in the same kind of relationship.

• Move past the anger and into growth.

• Gain insight into what you really want and learn how to meet your needs so that you can break the cycle of toxic relationships in your life.

• Delve more deeply into why you stayed by learning about systems of coercive control and toxic relationship dynamics.

• Rebuild your self esteem, self love, and self worth, through research-backed practices that actually work.

• Heal your wounds so that you can bring your best self into future relationships.

• Gain strategies to overcome catastrophic thinking about dating “there are no good ones left.”

• Get clear on what you really want in a partner.

• Learn strategies for navigating the dating world so that you can get what you really want.

• Set new goals, dream big, and live a life beyond your wildest dreams!

Why Breakup Coaching with Me?

I have worked for over ten years as a freelance writer for divorce law firms across the nation. Over the years, I have written about some of the most challenging situations that individuals can encounter when they go through a breakup and divorce. I've written about domestic violence, restraining orders, child custody, division of assets and debts, and more. Not only do I write about breakups, but I have spent years doing research to back up what I write. While my personal experience informs my breakup coaching, everything I include in my breakup coaching program is backed by research. I have spent thousands of hours learning about what happens in the body and brain when we go through a breakup. I have written about domestic violence and divorce professionally, helping law firms connect with clients right in the middle of what for many of them, is the worst breakup of their lives. I am not a professional therapist, counselor, or medical provider. I am a writer and researcher. I hold an MFA in creative writing from Columbia University, and have worked as a freelance writer and researcher for law firms for over ten years. My breakup coaching is informed by my personal experience as a survivor of domestic violence, as a woman in recovery, and as someone who suffered from CPTSD as a result of childhood trauma. I was raised in a high control group and cult, and have spent years learning how to recover from the aftereffects of coercive control. I spent years going to therapists who weren't able to help me and I spent months after leaving my abusive relationship working with therapists who just didn't get it. I tried many modalities. EMDR. Internal Family Systems Therapy. EFT. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Hypnotherapy. Talk Therapy. And more. 

What I offer in breakup coaching is what actually worked for me. It's not professional therapy or counseling, but rather, simple daily practices and exercises that helped me stick to my commitments and goals; strategies that helped me get clear about what I want and a game plan that helped me in the follow-through, so that I could finally break my pattern of being in toxic relationships and situationships with unavailable people. I offer tools that helped me regulate my nervous system that I learned from meditation practice, and from other sources, including strategies I learned during the time I was training to surf big waves in Hawai'i. These are some of the same tools employed by NAVY SEALS to help them get through high pressure situations. If these tools could work for me in 15-foot waves, and help NAVY SEALS--they can help you when you're getting ready to go out on your next date. They helped me!

Self Love Breakup Coach is not a psychologist, medical doctor, or licensed healthcare professional, and does not offer any professional health or medical advice. The material presented here is for educational purposes only. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a licensed and qualified health professional. If you are in crisis or are having thoughts of suicide help is available. Call 988 or text HOME to 741741 (https://www.crisistextline.org).

If you are leaving a verbally or physically abusive relationship, the time when you are statistically in the most danger is the time when you choose to leave. Have a plan. Trust your gut. Seek additional support if needed. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers 24/7 support and can connect you with resources near you. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website where you can chat live with an advocate or gain additional resources: https://www.thehotline.org.